Monday 30 June 2008

Carlos Roa was really worried about Armageddon (the religious event, not the movie starring Ben Affleck.)

Carlos Roa running with arms outstreched.
Argentinin keeper Carlos Roa, perhaps most famous for his part in eliminating England from the 1998 World Cup, once refused a contract extension as he believed the world was going to end.

At the conclusion of the 1998/99 season the then Mallorca player declined a new deal with the club and retreated to a farmhouse in rural Argentina helpfully providing the following reasoning before he left:

"The year 2000 is going to be difficult," Roa declared. "In the world, there is war, hunger, plague, much poverty, floods. I can assure you that those people who don't have a spiritual connection with God and the type of life that he wants will be in trouble."


Happily Roa's concerns were unfounded and, with the world still continuing to exist, the keeper decided to return to his former club. However despite the inaccurate prophecy the experience ended up strengthing his convictions rather than weakening them with the returning Roa now refusing to play on Saturdays, limiting his appearances at club level and effectively ending his international career.

Despite this, the Santa Fe soothsayer stuck to his principals until his retirement in 2006. Some would say that in end Roa failed to make the most of his talent. Still, it's not the end of the world.

Is it?

Thursday 26 June 2008

There are six Brazillians playing at Euro 2008.

The Brazilian national team lined up for a pre-match photo.
With a population of over 186,000,000 (count 'em!) and only eleven spots in the starting line-up, it's not an easy task to make the Brazilian national team. So what are you to do if you're a humble Brasileiros whose managed to carve out a career pounding the turf of professional futbol fields but are still nowhere near donning the gold and green of your birth country? Easy! Switch nationalities! And that's just what the following fellows have done in order to make appearances in this years European Championships:



Mehmet Aurelio (Marco Aurélio Brito dos Prazeres) - Turkey

Mehmet Aurelio carrying traffic cones. Seriously.
Fenerbache's Rio De Janeiro-born defensive midfielder acquired Turkish nationality in 2006 after five years of residence in his adopted homeland. He subsequently adopted the Muslim name "Mehmet" in order to complete his transformation and was immediately called up to the national team, proving himself an invaluable asset for the Crescent Stars.



Deco (Anderson Luis de Souza) - Portugal

A weird picture of Deco jumping.
Gifted playmaker Deco was born in the mountain city of São Bernardo do Campo. He enjoyed a spell at Corinthians before moving to Portugal with Benfica shortly before his 20th birthday. Benfica and their manager, the infamous Graeme Souness, did not see Deco as player worth holding on to and first loaned him out to lower league clubs and then allowed him to move to their rivals FC Porto. Here the Brazilian showed his true worth, becoming the lynchpin of a dominating Porto side that captured three Portuguese Ligas, three Portuguese Cups, three Portuguese Supercups, the UEFA Cup and finally the Champions League. Following this success he crossed the border to play for the mighty FC Barcelona. Deco made his international debut for Portugal in 2003 after six years of residence. Ironically his first appearance was against Brazil where, to make the fairy tale complete, he scored in a 2-1 win.



Pepe (Kepler Laveran Lima Ferreria) - Portugal

Pepe pulling a strange face.
Pepe moved to Real Madrid after six years of playing in Portugal for 30 million Euros (count...Ah, don't bother, it's Monopoly money) which, according to the exchange rate at the time of writing, is approximately £23,780,504.02 (count 'em - and don't forget the two pence!) He gained Portuguese citizenship in 2007 shortly before he joined Franco's favourites and made his debut four months later.



Roger Guerreiro - Poland

Roger Guerreiro greeting an important looking gentleman.
Rog' is another lad from São Paulo, he got called up for Poland after only two years living in the country as his application was citizenship was fast-tracked. Just in time for Euro 2008 too! How convenient!



Kevin Kuranyi - Germany

Two pictures of Kevin Kuranyi wearing slightly eccentric hats.
The man with the middle name of Dennis was born in Rio de Janeiro but was in fact eligible to play for four different countries due to his parentage. He chose Germany back in 2003 and has been banging in the goals ever since, scoring a respectable 19 in 49 appearances for Die Mannschaft.



Marcos Senna (Marcos Antônio Senna da Silva) - Spain

Marcos Senna looking aggresive.
Marcos Senna is one of Villarreal’s longest-serving and most valuable players. He moved to the Madrigal stadium in 2002 after doing the rounds in Brazil, playing for no less than five clubs in five years there. He gained Spanish nationality in 2006 and hasn't looked back since.



Eduardo (Eduardo Alves da Silva) - Croatia

Eduardo on crutches.
Eduardo's not actually at the Euros but he would've been if Martin Taylor hadn't broken his leg. He's another that was born in Rio but was scouted by Dinamo Zagreb and brought to Croatia at just 16 years old. Five years and many goals later he made his debut for Croatia and has an enviable goal scoring record at the national level with 13 in just 22 appearances. He now plies his trade in the Premiership with Arsenal and hopes to recover from his horrific injury by early next season.



The entire Northern Ireland squad

Northern Irish team lined-up for official pre-match photo.
Ok, so they didn't actually qualify for Euro 2008 and none of them are from South America's largest country but watching them play... Well, it's just like watching Brazil! Honest!

Monday 23 June 2008

Harry Redknapp's Transfer Hall of Shame.

Harry Redknapp stands with one hand on his head.
When Portsmouth won this seasons FA Cup the general reaction was one of delight on two fronts; firstly that a team outside the so-called "big four" had won the competition (the first time this had happened since Everton's 1995 triumph) and secondly that manager Harry Redknapp had finally added a top-level honour to his name.

The gregarious gaffer (alliteration count: 1) has always enjoyed well-loved status in his home nation both for his abilities at nurturing young talent (including such luminaries as Frank Lampard, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick, Jermain Defoe, Joe Cole, Theo Walcott and Glen Johnson. And of course Jamie Redknapp too.) and for his colourful off-the-cuff manner.

However despite the Eastender's evident eruditeness (alliteration count: 2), his forays into the transfer market have often proved anything less than wise.




Paolo Futre

Paol Futre
Hoping to add some flair to his side, Redknapp recruited Portuguese international Paolo Futre in 1996. However instead of pace & ability the man from Mojito (alliteration count: 3. Hat-trick!!!!!!) provided petulance & arrogance, refusing to take the field for his debut against Arsenal as he was unsatisfied with his shirt number. The following is paraphrased from "Harry Redknapp, My Autobiography."

'"No way [number] 16," Futre said. "Number 10. Eusebio number 10. Futre number 10." So determined was he to wear his number of choice that he offered to pay £100,000 for the privilege. The impasse was resolved when the man in possession of the West Ham number 10 shirt, John Moncur, agreed to give it up in exchange for a fortnight's holiday in Futre's luxury villa in Portugal.'


Amazingly this display did not endear him to his new manager or team mates and, after making only eight further appearances, Paolo the Porugeezer was shipped off to Athletico Madrid.




Florin Raducioiu

Florin Raducioiu wearing a suit and looking disturbingly lecherous.
Around the same time old Harry made what was thought to be a very shrewd signing when he brought Espanyol's Romanian hitman Florin Raducioiu to London for around two and a half million pounds. However it soon became clear that the Bucharestian (Bucharestite?) was more interested in enjoying the sights and sounds of the English capital than the football, as proved when he decided to miss a League Cup game to go shopping with his girlfriend.

Unsurprisingly the player soon found himself in the shop window, moving right back to Espanyol at the end of the season, having contributed two goals in eleven appearances.




Joey Beauchamp

Joey Beauchamp watches the ball bounce.
Redknapp was involved in another infamous transfer for the Hammers before he even took charge. As assistant manager to Billy Bonds, Harry had a hand in the purchase of Oxford's promising youngster Joey Beauchamp for one million bokes. Young JB lasted an astonishing one day before requesting a transfer, citing home-sickness. He left less than two months later with only a single pre-season appearance to his name.




Marco Boogers

Marco Boogers staring at the camera.
Harry's most infamous signing involved inconceivably-named Dutch striker Marco Boogers. Boogers West Ham career was over almost as soon as it had begun when he was sent off in only his second game after committing a 'sickening horror tackle' on Manchester United fullback Gary Neville and then fleeing to live in hiding in a Dutch Caravan park whilst protesting "I'm not mental!" All perfectly sane stuff.

Redknapp himself called Boogers his worst ever signing.

And with that we draw a close on our look through Harry's Transfer Hall of Shame, at least for now. The moral of this story is... well, I'm not sure really. I'm pretty tired from writing this all out to be honest. So I guess the moral is: Always get enough rest. Perfect!

Tuesday 17 June 2008

Sing us a song Christopher Wreh!

Christopher Wreh with Nicolas Anelka: Neither of whom are related to Ali Dia.
Former Liberian international (and cousin to George Weah) Christopher Wreh had the privilege to play for a multitude of clubs all over the world, including spells at Monaco, AEK Athens & Birmingham City. However the crowning glory of his footballing career was unquestionably his part in Arsenal's 1998 Double winning side.

Whilst this may have been the height of his athletic output, it could well be that his creative peak is yet to fully emerge: Wreh announced his retirement from professional football in 2005 to dedicate more time to touring the world with his band the Soul Rebels

He later reconsidered his decision and reemerged playing for (the mighty) Perseman Manokwari in Indonesia.

Despite his return to the field Wreh, speaking on his rarely updated (but consistently entertaining) official blog, promises that the world has not heard the last of his musical abilities.

There is one question left to consider though: If Christopher Wreh is George Weah's cousin, does that mean he's related to Ali Dia?

The answer is of course no. Unless your name is Graeme Souness.

Friday 13 June 2008

Tony Yeboah opens a chain of hotels and sleeps with another man's wife. But not at the same time.

Tony Yeboah runs with the ball at his feet.

It's always interesting to see what ex-footballers do once their playing careers are over. Some become pundits, others sell vacuum cleaners but former Leeds United hitman took a different path, opening a chain of hotels named "Yegoala" in his home country of Ghana.

Sadly the official website is currently MIA which raises questions about how much of a success the venture was.

Still, if the buisness did in deed fail, all Tony needs to do to bring a smile back to his face again is to think back over his glittering playing career (which included finishing as top scorer in the Bundesliga in back-to-back seasons) or, if that fails to improve his mood, perhaps remember the time he was insulted by Zimbabwe head coach Charles Mhlauri and got his revenge by sleeping with Mhlauri's wife.

Yeboah justified his actions by saying "When a man insults my country I insult him, by taking his woman."

This rationale begs the question "If you insulted Tony Yeboah's woman would he invade your country?"

I think the answer is yes. Yes he would.

Wednesday 11 June 2008

John Arne Riise simultaneously asked out ten women via text message.

John Arne Riise throwing his shirt and shorts to the crowd.
Liverpool star John Arne Riise's first language may be Norwegian and his second language may be English and his third language may be Football but his fourth language is most definitely Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve. The pint-sized Premier League pixie knows that the way to a woman's heart is not through sending chocolate or flowers or pictures of yourself re-enacting popular children's movies using dead animal parts (guess which one my favourite is?) but instead via the medium of poorly-constructed text messages! And instead of sending it to just one woman, why not increase your odds by sending the same message to ten of them? And what type of people are better than regular people?! Why celebrities of course!

With all this in mind the pint-sized Premier League pixie (wait... I already used that one, didn't I?) sent the following message to ten famous Norwegian women, in the hopes of landing a date:

"Good evening... After a lot of calling to all kinds of contacts, I finally got your number. I have always thought you are very charming, cute, sexy, fantastic aura, and last but not least, you seem exciting and challenging;) hope we can get in touch, and I will of course invite you on a romantic dinner for two;) kiss from John Arne Riise xxx"

Sadly the plan blew up in his face when a tabloid got wind of his plan and exposed the whole affair.

Bttr luk nxt tyme m8!!! :-D xxx kiss from winston xxxx

Thursday 5 June 2008

Steve Harper does stuff which isnt related to football but is worth mentioning because he is a footballer and this site's about football & footballers

Steve Harper diving for the ball.
Newcastle's Steve Harper may go down in history as one of football's great under-utilised talents. The County Durham-er (County Durham-ite?) joined the Magpies in 1993 during Kevin Keegan's first reign at the helm and when King Kev returned 15 years later he was the only player from that original era remaining at the club.

Yet despite his long tenure with the Magpies and his obvious talent, Harper has spent almost his entire career in the shadow of others, most notably the undeniably brilliant Shay Given.

However there are positives to come from playing second fiddle as it has allowed Harper to pursue activities outwith playing. Such as furthering his refereeing career, obtaining a Social Sciences degree from the Open University and indulging in his love of autobiographies.

Still despite all this self-improvement he is yet to demonstrate cultural significance outside of the Football arena unlike gangly Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand who produced possibly the defining moment in the history of television with his comedic tour de force: "Rio's World Cup Wind-ups". Merked!

Tuesday 3 June 2008

Lutz Pfannenstiel's World of Football... Playing

Lutz Pfannenstiel
German shot-stopper Lutz Pfannenstiel is famous for two things: Almost dying during a football match and playing for a ridiculous amount of clubs.

In total the globe-trotting goalie has turned out for twenty nine (count 'em) teams (six of those being amateur sides) in thirteen different countries, in the process becoming the only footballer to have played professionally on every continent.

Currently the Brobdingnagian Bavarian plys his trade with Clube Atlético Hermann Aichinger in Brazil's Série C. He has previously enjoyed stints with Wimbledon, Nottingham Forest and the mighty Dunedin Technical!

The man himself reckons his round-the-world record will never be matched as, in his own words "...there aren't many people as crazy as me!"

Still, with all that travelling I'd hate to think of his carbon footprint.