Julio Cruz has green fingers

Football has had it's fair share of unusual nicknames over the years, from the reasonably self-explanatory (Roberto Baggio's "Divine Ponytail") to the outright bizzare (Lionel Messi's "La Pulga Atómica" or "The Automatic Flea" in English). Falling somewhere in between those two categories comes Internazionale's Argentinian goal-machine Julio Cruz. Or as he is sometimes known "El Jardinero" (The Gardener).

Whilst Cruz's abnormal appellation might seem baffling at first it is in fact rooted (check out that pun... because he's called "The Gardener" you see... and plants have roots... Hello? Is this thing on?) in truth.

Apparently as a young man our friend Julio earned his cash mowing the lawn of local side Club Atlético Banfield. One day the team were a man short during a training session and he was invited to join in and make up the numbers. Once the coach saw JC's talent he had no hesitation in offering him a spot on the roster and thus a career was born! Simple as that.

Now where did I leave my shears?

Australia 31 - 0 American Samoa

Back before Australia reclassified itself as an Asian country it's national team regularly had to face-off against the assorted motley crews of part-timers and weekend warriors that made up the rest of the OFC. With the possible exception of New Zealand none of them had a chance against the might of the Socceroos, the best they could hope for being to survive the 90 minutes with some shred of dignity intact.

On the 11th of April 2001 American Samoa (who occupied a vertigo-inducing 200th position in the FIFA World Rankings and had never won an officially-sanctioned match) attempted to do just that. They failed.

Initially the scoreline was listed as 32-0, however it was later confirmed by FIFA to be a much less embarrassing 31-0. Regardless it was still enough to count as a new World Record with Aussie striker Archie Thompson also claiming the individual record by hitting the back of the net an astounding (and possibly unlucky) thirteen times.

Despite the humiliating result for the Samoans then-manager Tony Langkilde remained upbeat. Sadly his optimism was misplaced as he was later sacked and, at the current time, American Samoa are still yet to claim their first victory.

And you thought San Marino were bad.

Charlie Oatway is named after the entire 1973 QPR first-team

Havant & Waterlooville player/coach Charlie Oatway took part in a surpisingly long FA Cup run this year with the non-league minnows finally losing out to Premiership giants Liverpool in the 4th round. Quite fitting for a man with such a surprising long name; the former Brighton & Hove Albion man was actually born Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway. Each of his eleven names came from a member of Queens Park Rangers 1973 first-team, who finished second in the "old, old Division Two" (that's the "old First Division" or "The Championship" in modern parlance) to Burnley, winning promotion to the top flight in the process.

Of course you might've noticed that Charlie isn't actually one of his given names. Apparently when his aunt found out the intended epithet for her newborn nephew she reacted in the manner of most sane people (i.e. non football fans,) commenting: "You'll make him look a right Charlie." And so that moniker stuck instead. Still, it could be worse, at least he's not called Neville Neville.

Gary & Phil Neville's Dad is called Neville Neville

Yes,really.

Rudi Gutendorf's World of Football Management

His might not be the first name that springs to mind when you think of legendary football managers but make no mistake about it; Rudi Gutendorf is a record-breaking gaffer.

In a career spanning over forty years and six continents the wiley old German took charge of an amazing fifty-four teams, including seventeen national teams! After beginning his managerial métier in 1955 with Blue Stars Zurich, Old Rudster finally called it a day in 1999 after an unsuccesful attempt at leading Rwanda to the following years African Cup of Nations.

Here's a full list (in German) of the teams he took charge of, courtesy of his official website.

1. 1946 – 54: SV Rengsdorf (Kreisklasse)

2. Rot-Weiß Koblenz (Bezirksklasse)

3. VfB Lützel (Bezirksklasse)

4. SG Braubach (Kreisklasse)

5. TuS Neuendorf (Oberliga)

6. 1955: Blue Stars Zürich (Nationalliga B)

7. 1955 – 60: FC Luzern (Nationalliga B)

8. 1961: US Monastir/Tunesien (1. Div.)

9. 1962 – 63 : TSV Marl-Hüls (Oberliga)

10. 1963 – 64 : Meidericher SV (Bundesliga)

11. 1965: VfB Stuttgart (Bundesliga)

12. 1966 – 68: St. Lous (US-Profiliga)

13. 1968: Bermudas

14. 1968 – 70: Schalke 04 (Bundesliga)

15. 1970 – 71: Kickers Offenbach

16. 1972: Cristal Lima (Peru)

17. Nationaltrainer Chile

18. 1974: 1860 München (2. Bundesliga)

19. 1974: Manager der Hallen-WM

20. 1974: Nationaltrainer Bolivien

21. 1974: FC Boliviar

22. 1974: Nationaltrainer Venezuela

23. 1975: Valladolid (2. Liga Spanien)

24. 1975 – 76: Fortuna Köln (2. Bundesliga)

25. 1976: Nationaltrainer Trinidad

26. 1976: Nationaltrainer Grenada

27. 1976: Nationaltrainer Antigua

28. 1976: Nationaltrainer Botswana

29. 1976 – 77: TB Berlin (Bundesliga)

30. 1977: Hamburger SV (Bundesliga)

31. 1978: Nationaltrainer Australien

32. 1980: Fifa Lecture Philippinen

33. 1980 : Nationaltrainer Neu-Kaledonien

34. 1981: Trainer-Lehrgang Fidschi

35. 1981: Nationaltrainer Nepal

36. 1981: Nationaltrainer Tonga

37. 1981: Nationaltrainer Tansania

38. 1981 – 82: Yanga Daressalam (Tansania)

39. 1982: Trainerausbildung Arysha (Tansania)

40. 1982 – 84: FC Youmiuri (Japan)

41. 1984: Hertha BSC (2. Bundesliga)

42. 1984: Sao Thome, Prineipe (Westafrika)

43. 1985: Nationaltrainer Ghana

44. 1985: Nationaltrainer Nepal

45. 1986: Trainerausbilder Nepal

46. 1987: Trainerausbilder Fidschi

47. 1987: Nationaltrainer Fidschi

48. 1988: Trainerausbilder China

49. 1988: Olympia-Nationaltrainer Iran

50. 1991 – 92: Olympia-Team China

51. 1995 – 96: Nationaltrainer Zimbabwe

52. 1997: Nationaltrainer Mauritius

53. 1998: Sportdirektor TuS Koblenz

54. 1999: Nationaltrainer Ruanda

Celtic won the Polar Bear Trophy

As of this writing Glasgow's Celtic FC are the only Scottish team to have triumphed in the European Cup. However even if another team from the land of Irn Bru and deep fried Mars Bars (both of which are delicious) were to equal that acheivement the Bhoys would still have a unique claim to fame: They are the only team to win the Polar Bear Trophy, which they gained after a victory over FC Valur of Iceland in the 1975 Cup Winners Cup.

The trophy is carved from stone and depicts "a polar bear devouring a seal". How lovely.

For more discussion of Celtic's minor trophies (and other assorted football trivia) check out The Knowledge.

Lars Elstrup is crazier than a Wild Goose.

Winning medals might've come easily to Lars Elstrup, member of Denmark's triumphant Euro 92 side, however losing his marbles was sadly even easier. The former Luton Town top scorer chucked it in at age 30, citing depression, and from there his decline began.

The lovable Dane joined a cult known as "Wild Goose" based in a farmhouse outside of Odense and refused to see his family for several years. He later recovered and attempted a comeback at age 36.

Unfortunately the story does not end there. Esltrup relapsed into mental illness, indecently exposed himself in public and, whilst naked, wrestled a policeman and slapped a school boy.

But then again who hasn't?

Espen Baardsen trades balls for bonds.

Former Norweigan international goalkeeper Espen Baardsen now works at London based asset management company.

The ex-Spurs, Watford and Everton player retired from the game in 2003 at age 25 claiming he had lost interest in the game.

He later resurfaced working for the aformentioned asset management company Eclectica where instead of saving balls he saves money. For investors. Or something. How does Asset Managment work again?