Sadly we can't all be rich, famous and talented but should we let that get in the way of our desire for a good old fashioned knees-up? Heck no! Follow these simple rules (as demonstrated by some of your favourite players) and soon you'll be partying like a pro!
#1 Set the mood with decorations.
Everybody knows a party needs decorations but let's face it, balloons and banners are old hat these days. So what do the boys from Manchester United recommend?
The news travelled fast between the racks of £1,000 Prada dresses and podiums loaded with Louis Vuitton handbags in the Manchester branch of Harvey Nichols. Word had come down from the players at Manchester United that it was time for a "harvest".
The best looking shop assistants were put on alert to expect an invite to one of the biggest football parties of the year.[...]
One by one, the invites for the event came; sometimes directly from a player shopping after training, or from a friend deputised to handpick the most attractive young women to "decorate" their party.
#2 Have fun, but stay dignified.
Our next tip comes from former Arsenal fan favourite Ashley Cole, reminding us that a man is nothing without his dignity.
"During the ride he was slurring his words and was a right mess. Then he just threw up everywhere.
"My friend was going mad but he just smiled and said to me, 'She should be privileged Ashley Cole was sick in her car.'
#3 Make sure there are enough bathrooms.
There's nothing worse than going to a party, having a great time and then spending twenty minutes in a queue for the toilet. Just ask Hayden Foxe!
After running up a bar bill of almost £2,000 one of the Hammers involved, Australian international Hayden Foxe, decided that rather than urinating in the toilet he'd do it on the bar instead. While standing on top of it.
#4 Be polite and gracious with other guests!
A party is not a party without other people and its important to make sure that everyone has a good time. Something Joey Barton knows only too well.
[Barton] stubs a lit cigar into the eye of young team-mate Jamie Tandy during club's Christmas party. Fined six weeks' wages by City. Forced to pay four weeks' salary - approximately £60,000 - immediately, with a further two weeks suspended for a year.
#5 Give a gift, make a friend!
Its said that giving is better than receiving, but its important to give the right gift.
Invite one of Dennis Wise and Robbie Savage to a party and you're arguably asking for trouble. Invite them both, and you might as well call the cops before it even starts.
The atmosphere at relegation-threatened Leicester's Xmas bash understandably turned sour when Wise gave Savage a teddy bear impaled on a sex toy and reportedly told him: "Take this, because you're the only p***k in a Leicester shirt at the moment."
Savage responded by smearing chocolate on the former Wimbledon star's face and mocking his relationship with old pal Dave Bassett.
But the mood really went downhill when Wise went on to make sexual remarks about Robbie's then girlfriend. Cue knuckle sandwiches all round.
Hopefully now you have learned some important lessons and you too can enjoy the fabulous life of a professional sports athlete sporting-person.
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