Brazilian international Amarel used to be a grave digger.

Before turning pro and playing for the likes of Parma and Fiorentina, Amarel earned his bread down at the cemetary.

Rumours are that he quit because he was DEAD tired! Ha!

It would be hard work though, I make no BONES about that.

Ok enough with the jokes, this is obviously a GRAVEly serious matter.

Time to log off and let this article REST IN PEACE.

[Thanks to Scott for the eagle-eyed spotting on this one.]

Arsene Wenger presents: "Wait... You played for Arsenal?!"

Arsenal gaffer Arsene Wenger has a well earned reputation for his astute and erudite dealings in the transfer market. The fiscally fettered Frenchman's finest finds frequently fulfil functions fabulously for fairly few funds. However no man is bullet-proof in any area and the Premiership's second most successful manager has his share of unsuccessful buys. Here we shall take a look at just three thrilling examples:


Igor Stepanovs



Signed for a cool one million of our pounds sterling from Skonta Riga the centre back nicknamed "The ogre from Ogre" (Ok I just made that up. But it should've been his nickname, right?) made less than 20 appearances in three seasons and was most famous for being utterly terrorised and looking completely terrified during the 6-1 defeat by Manchester United in February 2001.

Stepanovs, who has 99 caps for Latvia, was shipped off to KSK Beveren in 2003 and is currently without a club.


Kaba Diawara



During the Wenger years Arsenal have played host to many of the finest French players around. Sadly Kaba Diawara was not one of them. The pacy striker was acquired from Bordeaux for £2.5 Million (or seventy billion shillings and a ha' penny in old money) in January 1999 and sold to Marseilles (at a profit of £500,000 no less) less than six months later. The reason for his quick departure was his inability to convert any chances at all. Seriously talk about poor finishing, this guy couldn't finish his dinner. He failed to find the net for Arsenal in 15 appearances and later stretched out his dry spell into a full on drought by not scoring for a further two and a half years (which included loan spells at Blackburn and West Ham) before finally finding form again for Racing de Ferrol and Nice. He now plays for Alki Larnaca in Cyprus and represents Guinea internationally.

Alberto Mendez-Rodriguez



Five years. Eleven appearances. Two goals. Those are the statistics for half-German half-Spanish midfielder Alberto Mendez-Rodriguez. But it gets even more bizarre when you consider the story behind his move:

Arsène Wenger's talent for spotting talent has rightly attracted plenty of praise, but perhaps not enough. His £250,000 summer signing of Alberto Mendez from a German fifth division side revealed the far reaches of Wenger's scouting network. But that was only half the story.

The Arsenal manager signed the SC Feucht striker despite watching him only once, against the might of ESC Rangierbahnhof Nurnberg, and even though the player was suffering from the effects of alcohol at the time.

...


But Wenger had complete confidence in his powers of detection. "Alberto was terrible when I went to watch him," he agreed. "But I could still see he had potential. There is something very special about him." We wait to see what it is.

Sadly the answer was very little and, despite his two goals (one against Birmingham in the league cup, and one against Panathanaikos in the Champions League. Yes really.) Mendez spent most of his half decade spell away on loan to first AEK Athens, then Unterhaching and finally Racing Ferrol who he joined permanently once his loan period had concluded.

Currently he is back in the German Fifth Division plying his trade for the mighty SpVgg Weiden!

Despite these (and more) misguided signings Wenger's overall record in the transfer market is still untouchable. Certainly more so than his current North London rival.

Shaun Newton took drugs and scammed the Police. But not at the same time. Also I mean the Police force not the band The Police.

Its fair to say that in recent years Shaun Newtons career hasn't gone exactly as he'd of liked. Once seen as a one of the greatest bargain signings of recent times (after his move from Wolves to West Ham for an initial fee of just £10,000 in 2005) the Londoner has seen his value drop to almost nothing after being hit by two separate brushes with the law. Indeed at the time of writing he is without a club.

His first offence was his infamous drug test failure, his cocaine problem being widely reported. His second offence passed under the radar somewhat more. This time he took money from Teddy Sheringham and Bobby Zamora to get rid of speeding tickets for them. His method for doing so was to give the tickets to a friend who then provided fake names and addresses of drivers who were then reported as being behind the wheel of the vehicles when the offences were committed (although Newton claimed he thought his friend was dealing with the tickets legitimately.)

Sadly Newton's scam was eventually rumbled, resulting in a 28-week suspended prison sentence, 180 hours of unpaid community service, a 12-month driving ban and an order to pay £5,000 in legal costs.

It's safe to assume that after this bruising treatment from the judicial system the ex-Hammer realised his scam wasn't quite the golden ticket he'd been looking for! HA! TICKET! I've literally spent the last five months thinking up that joke.