Arsene Wenger presents: "Wait... You played for Arsenal?!"

Arsenal gaffer Arsene Wenger has a well earned reputation for his astute and erudite dealings in the transfer market. The fiscally fettered Frenchman's finest finds frequently fulfil functions fabulously for fairly few funds. However no man is bullet-proof in any area and the Premiership's second most successful manager has his share of unsuccessful buys. Here we shall take a look at just three thrilling examples:


Igor Stepanovs



Signed for a cool one million of our pounds sterling from Skonta Riga the centre back nicknamed "The ogre from Ogre" (Ok I just made that up. But it should've been his nickname, right?) made less than 20 appearances in three seasons and was most famous for being utterly terrorised and looking completely terrified during the 6-1 defeat by Manchester United in February 2001.

Stepanovs, who has 99 caps for Latvia, was shipped off to KSK Beveren in 2003 and is currently without a club.


Kaba Diawara



During the Wenger years Arsenal have played host to many of the finest French players around. Sadly Kaba Diawara was not one of them. The pacy striker was acquired from Bordeaux for £2.5 Million (or seventy billion shillings and a ha' penny in old money) in January 1999 and sold to Marseilles (at a profit of £500,000 no less) less than six months later. The reason for his quick departure was his inability to convert any chances at all. Seriously talk about poor finishing, this guy couldn't finish his dinner. He failed to find the net for Arsenal in 15 appearances and later stretched out his dry spell into a full on drought by not scoring for a further two and a half years (which included loan spells at Blackburn and West Ham) before finally finding form again for Racing de Ferrol and Nice. He now plays for Alki Larnaca in Cyprus and represents Guinea internationally.

Alberto Mendez-Rodriguez



Five years. Eleven appearances. Two goals. Those are the statistics for half-German half-Spanish midfielder Alberto Mendez-Rodriguez. But it gets even more bizarre when you consider the story behind his move:

Arsène Wenger's talent for spotting talent has rightly attracted plenty of praise, but perhaps not enough. His £250,000 summer signing of Alberto Mendez from a German fifth division side revealed the far reaches of Wenger's scouting network. But that was only half the story.

The Arsenal manager signed the SC Feucht striker despite watching him only once, against the might of ESC Rangierbahnhof Nurnberg, and even though the player was suffering from the effects of alcohol at the time.

...


But Wenger had complete confidence in his powers of detection. "Alberto was terrible when I went to watch him," he agreed. "But I could still see he had potential. There is something very special about him." We wait to see what it is.

Sadly the answer was very little and, despite his two goals (one against Birmingham in the league cup, and one against Panathanaikos in the Champions League. Yes really.) Mendez spent most of his half decade spell away on loan to first AEK Athens, then Unterhaching and finally Racing Ferrol who he joined permanently once his loan period had concluded.

Currently he is back in the German Fifth Division plying his trade for the mighty SpVgg Weiden!

Despite these (and more) misguided signings Wenger's overall record in the transfer market is still untouchable. Certainly more so than his current North London rival.

Harry Redknapp's Transfer Hall of Shame.

When Portsmouth won this seasons FA Cup the general reaction was one of delight on two fronts; firstly that a team outside the so-called "big four" had won the competition (the first time this had happened since Everton's 1995 triumph) and secondly that manager Harry Redknapp had finally added a top-level honour to his name.

The gregarious gaffer (alliteration count: 1) has always enjoyed well-loved status in his home nation both for his abilities at nurturing young talent (including such luminaries as Frank Lampard, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick, Jermain Defoe, Joe Cole, Theo Walcott and Glen Johnson. And of course Jamie Redknapp too.) and for his colourful off-the-cuff manner.

However despite the Eastender's evident eruditeness (alliteration count: 2), his forays into the transfer market have often proved anything less than wise.




Paolo Futre

Hoping to add some flair to his side, Redknapp recruited Portuguese international Paolo Futre in 1996. However instead of pace & ability the man from Mojito (alliteration count: 3. Hat-trick!!!!!!) provided petulance & arrogance, refusing to take the field for his debut against Arsenal as he was unsatisfied with his shirt number. The following is paraphrased from "Harry Redknapp, My Autobiography."

'"No way [number] 16," Futre said. "Number 10. Eusebio number 10. Futre number 10." So determined was he to wear his number of choice that he offered to pay £100,000 for the privilege. The impasse was resolved when the man in possession of the West Ham number 10 shirt, John Moncur, agreed to give it up in exchange for a fortnight's holiday in Futre's luxury villa in Portugal.'

Amazingly this display did not endear him to his new manager or team mates and, after making only eight further appearances, Paolo the Porugeezer was shipped off to Athletico Madrid.




Florin Raducioiu

Around the same time old Harry made what was thought to be a very shrewd signing when he brought Espanyol's Romanian hitman Florin Raducioiu to London for around two and a half million pounds. However it soon became clear that the Bucharestian (Bucharestite?) was more interested in enjoying the sights and sounds of the English capital than the football, as proved when he decided to miss a League Cup game to go shopping with his girlfriend.

Unsurprisingly the player soon found himself in the shop window, moving right back to Espanyol at the end of the season, having contributed two goals in eleven appearances.




Joey Beauchamp

Redknapp was involved in another infamous transfer for the Hammers before he even took charge. As assistant manager to Billy Bonds, Harry had a hand in the purchase of Oxford's promising youngster Joey Beauchamp for one million bokes. Young JB lasted an astonishing one day before requesting a transfer, citing home-sickness. He left less than two months later with only a single pre-season appearance to his name.




Marco Boogers

Harry's most infamous signing involved inconceivably-named Dutch striker Marco Boogers. Boogers West Ham career was over almost as soon as it had begun when he was sent off in only his second game after committing a 'sickening horror tackle' on Manchester United fullback Gary Neville and then fleeing to live in hiding in a Dutch Caravan park whilst protesting "I'm not mental!" All perfectly sane stuff.

Redknapp himself called Boogers his worst ever signing.

And with that we draw a close on our look through Harry's Transfer Hall of Shame, at least for now. The moral of this story is... well, I'm not sure really. I'm pretty tired from writing this all out to be honest. So I guess the moral is: Always get enough rest. Perfect!