Reminder: Not all footballers are Greedy Guses.

Has your club ever had a high-paid player whose sat out more games than he's played? Frustrating, isn't it? Well take heart from two example of footballers who took a bash but didn't take the cash (see, I did a little rhyming there.)

Fernando Redondo



Following an £11,000,000 move from Real Madrid to AC Milan, Argentinian international Fernando Redondo suffered an injury just three minutes into his first training session.

After spending over a year trying to regain fitness the combative midfielder showed his class by voluntarily suspending his £2,750,000 annual wage.

He did eventually manage a comeback and played a dozen or so games before another injury finally forced him into retirement.

Damiano Tommasi



Back in 2004 Roma stalwart Damiano Tommasi suffered a horrific knee injury in a pre-season friendly with Stoke which kept him out for over a year.

As a way of thanking his team for sticking by him he voluntarily accepted minimum wage.... Well, footballers minimum wage.... of around £12,000 a year. For his noble gesture the player received multiple accolades and even a papal blessing making him roughly fifty percent as holy as Stuart Elliot.

Brazilian international Amarel used to be a grave digger.

Before turning pro and playing for the likes of Parma and Fiorentina, Amarel earned his bread down at the cemetary.

Rumours are that he quit because he was DEAD tired! Ha!

It would be hard work though, I make no BONES about that.

Ok enough with the jokes, this is obviously a GRAVEly serious matter.

Time to log off and let this article REST IN PEACE.

[Thanks to Scott for the eagle-eyed spotting on this one.]

Arsene Wenger presents: "Wait... You played for Arsenal?!"

Arsenal gaffer Arsene Wenger has a well earned reputation for his astute and erudite dealings in the transfer market. The fiscally fettered Frenchman's finest finds frequently fulfil functions fabulously for fairly few funds. However no man is bullet-proof in any area and the Premiership's second most successful manager has his share of unsuccessful buys. Here we shall take a look at just three thrilling examples:


Igor Stepanovs



Signed for a cool one million of our pounds sterling from Skonta Riga the centre back nicknamed "The ogre from Ogre" (Ok I just made that up. But it should've been his nickname, right?) made less than 20 appearances in three seasons and was most famous for being utterly terrorised and looking completely terrified during the 6-1 defeat by Manchester United in February 2001.

Stepanovs, who has 99 caps for Latvia, was shipped off to KSK Beveren in 2003 and is currently without a club.


Kaba Diawara



During the Wenger years Arsenal have played host to many of the finest French players around. Sadly Kaba Diawara was not one of them. The pacy striker was acquired from Bordeaux for £2.5 Million (or seventy billion shillings and a ha' penny in old money) in January 1999 and sold to Marseilles (at a profit of £500,000 no less) less than six months later. The reason for his quick departure was his inability to convert any chances at all. Seriously talk about poor finishing, this guy couldn't finish his dinner. He failed to find the net for Arsenal in 15 appearances and later stretched out his dry spell into a full on drought by not scoring for a further two and a half years (which included loan spells at Blackburn and West Ham) before finally finding form again for Racing de Ferrol and Nice. He now plays for Alki Larnaca in Cyprus and represents Guinea internationally.

Alberto Mendez-Rodriguez



Five years. Eleven appearances. Two goals. Those are the statistics for half-German half-Spanish midfielder Alberto Mendez-Rodriguez. But it gets even more bizarre when you consider the story behind his move:

Arsène Wenger's talent for spotting talent has rightly attracted plenty of praise, but perhaps not enough. His £250,000 summer signing of Alberto Mendez from a German fifth division side revealed the far reaches of Wenger's scouting network. But that was only half the story.

The Arsenal manager signed the SC Feucht striker despite watching him only once, against the might of ESC Rangierbahnhof Nurnberg, and even though the player was suffering from the effects of alcohol at the time.

...


But Wenger had complete confidence in his powers of detection. "Alberto was terrible when I went to watch him," he agreed. "But I could still see he had potential. There is something very special about him." We wait to see what it is.

Sadly the answer was very little and, despite his two goals (one against Birmingham in the league cup, and one against Panathanaikos in the Champions League. Yes really.) Mendez spent most of his half decade spell away on loan to first AEK Athens, then Unterhaching and finally Racing Ferrol who he joined permanently once his loan period had concluded.

Currently he is back in the German Fifth Division plying his trade for the mighty SpVgg Weiden!

Despite these (and more) misguided signings Wenger's overall record in the transfer market is still untouchable. Certainly more so than his current North London rival.

Shaun Newton took drugs and scammed the Police. But not at the same time. Also I mean the Police force not the band The Police.

Its fair to say that in recent years Shaun Newtons career hasn't gone exactly as he'd of liked. Once seen as a one of the greatest bargain signings of recent times (after his move from Wolves to West Ham for an initial fee of just £10,000 in 2005) the Londoner has seen his value drop to almost nothing after being hit by two separate brushes with the law. Indeed at the time of writing he is without a club.

His first offence was his infamous drug test failure, his cocaine problem being widely reported. His second offence passed under the radar somewhat more. This time he took money from Teddy Sheringham and Bobby Zamora to get rid of speeding tickets for them. His method for doing so was to give the tickets to a friend who then provided fake names and addresses of drivers who were then reported as being behind the wheel of the vehicles when the offences were committed (although Newton claimed he thought his friend was dealing with the tickets legitimately.)

Sadly Newton's scam was eventually rumbled, resulting in a 28-week suspended prison sentence, 180 hours of unpaid community service, a 12-month driving ban and an order to pay £5,000 in legal costs.

It's safe to assume that after this bruising treatment from the judicial system the ex-Hammer realised his scam wasn't quite the golden ticket he'd been looking for! HA! TICKET! I've literally spent the last five months thinking up that joke.

Sub Goalie Hall of Fame!: 2nd Edition!

Previously we've looked at Steve Harper and all that he has managed to achieve through his non-playing ways.

Today we look at not one, not two but three (count 'em) sub goalie's who've made their way in the world without making their way off the bench.

Carlo Cudicini

Good old Double C is probably one of the best keepers in Europe. I say probably because the old mucker hardly gets a look in since the arrival of Petr Cech in 2004. In fact Carlo's made a mere 54 appearances in the four seasons since, his first team aspirations kept firmly in check by the Czech Cech.

Despite this lack of playing time the Italian has shown little inclination to move elsewhere, a stance that has drawn criticism from some corners, although surely he deserves some credit for his loyalty.

Of course there may be another reason why he'd want to stay at one of the world's richest clubs. Notably a salary of allegedly £1.6 million a year. That amounts to £6.4 million over the past four seasons. Divide by the number of games he's played (6400000/54) means he earns approximately £118518.51 per appearance. Not bad work if you can get it. If you assume that each appearance lasted 90 minutes (they didn't all I know, for example he got sent off against Newcastle in the FA Cup back in 2005. And of course he got injured against Reading back in 2006. But let's play along anyway!) that would mean he earns around £1316.87 for every minute he plays. Bargain!


Pegguy Arphexad

Guadaloupian goal guardian Pegguy Arphexad may well be the most efficient footballer in history, winning 7 medals over 6 years whilst only making a total of 23 appearances!

The Caribbean custodian spent the early years of his career attempting to break into the starting line-ups of Lille and Lens. After little success en Francais an offer to cross the channel and join Leicester City seemed too good to pass up.

Three years, 21 appearances and a League Cup Medal later he left for the greener pastures (not literally) of Liverpool. There he was even more successful, winning two league cups, an FA cup, the UEFA Cup, the European Super Cup and the Charity Shield, all whilst only playing for the first team twice! That means his English career average was a medal every 3.2 games played. Imagine if he'd played a full season, the FA would've had to start making up new competitions for him to win!

It is worth noting that whenever called on Arphexad showed himself more than capable of tending goal at the highest level. Sadly he was never given an extended first team run and retired in 2005 after spells at Stockport County, Coventry City, Notts County and finally Olympique de Marseille.

Still he's won more trophies than Alan Shearer and George Best combined so it's not all bad.

Valerio Fiori

There have been few more enthusiastic exponents of the occasional appearance than Milan's former third choice keeper Valerio Fiori; the Roman could almost have been registered as a missing person with only three appearances in a nine year stint with the Rossoneri. The former Lazio No.1 certainly made good use of his free time; completing a law degree in 2007 before retiring at the end of the 07/08 season.

I guess he really did love "sitting on the bench"!

Because, you know, Judge's sit "on the bench"...

And so do football substitutes.

Get it?

David Hillier took drugs, stole a guy's luggage and became a fireman. But not at the same time.

With all the attention currently being lavished on Arsenal's sensational youngsters it seems now would the ideal time to focus on the life and times of one of their former young charges: tough-tackling midfielder David Hillier.

Hillier began his career by signing schoolboy forms with The Gunners way back in the halcyon days of 1984, when Torvil & Dean won Olypmic gold and the Ministry of Truth ensured all facts were historically accurate... Or something.

Anyways four years later Deadly Dave (as I like to call him) turned pro and within several years had become a regular under crazy bung-taking medal-machine George Graham. The future looked first class. Sadly at that point things started to go off the rails (I was trying for a train pun there, you know - "first class carrige", "off the rails"... Didn't really work, did it?)

Firstly in March 1995 he tested positive for illegal substance abuse then, the following year he thieved a suitcase in an airport carpark and, in the process, ensured that his future at Highbury was stolen away from him.

He subsequently went on to play for Portsmouth, Bristol Rovers and Barnet before hanging up his boots and joining the Fire Service.

So who knows; Bradley Wright-Phillips might just end up being a paramedic.

Brian Clough refused to sign Gary McAllister because he wore cowboy boots to a meeting.

Gary McAllister may have an MBE, 55 caps for Scotland, and winners medals for the League, the FA Cup, the League Cup and the UEFA Cup but if there is one thing he certainly does not have it's fashion sense.

Never was this more evident than when the Motherwellian (Motherwellatian?) midfield maestro met mercurial management monster Mrian Mlough (Brain Clough... Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Alliteration Anonymous, that's what I need. Or maybe a holiday. Somewhere sunny.)

At the time McAllister was a Leicester City player who been presented with the possibility of a move across the East Midlands to Clough's Nottingham Forest. Sadly the Scotsman made the mistake of turning up for meeting the in cowboy boots prompting Clough to famously remark:

"Who do you think you are young man? Bloody John Wayne?"

McAllister fired back "Actually yes I do and what's more I am very sensitive about it so I'd ask that you kindly avoid the subject as mental health issues are not something to be joked about and should be dealt with in a respectful and dignified manner and not treated as subjects fit for shameful ridicule. GOOD DAY SIR!" Nah, he didn't really. But it would have been great if he had.